Four years ago, my husband and I became parents to a beautiful little 9-1/2 year old girl. My husband and I were here 14th home, and we had no idea what our future entailed.
When you adopt an older foster child, there are so many attachments and fears that follow them throughout their lives, and typically, those fears turn into terrible behavior.
Two and a half years after our adoption, were at our wits end with trying to help her with her specific needs. When you're going through the foster/adoption training, there is plenty of support, but once these kids are adopted, the amount of support (i.e. PTSD therapy, family therapy, mental support) is significantly dropped.
We were no exception to that rule. We tried to love our daughter through her pain, but we felt like we were on our own island, because the behaviors that were described in foster training were nothing like the life that we were living day in and day out.
On three separate occasions, Heart to Heart was mentioned to us. Finally, on March 11, 2014, we went to a meeting & instantly felt home. We were able to relate to parents who were in our same boat, because they also had kids from hard places.
Joanne Jelle is an unlimited supply of support, whether it's finding a temporary respite provider, finding a special therapist (who works specifically with kids with reactive attachments), or just lending a listening ear on a hard day.
For the first time in our adoption journey, we felt like there was hope, and because of that choice to walk in that evening in March of 2014 - we know that our daughter will have a chance at not only becoming a functioning adult in society, but she will also have a rich and full life, because she's supported, loved, and most importantly - she's understood.
˜B&B McGuire
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When our daughter came home she was in such a dark place. The system was at a loss. We were terrified that we could not cope and more terrified of what our lives would look like if we did cope. Our belief in a forever commitment meant that we needed help...we truly were her only chance at a future.
Heart to Heart gave us a place to educate ourselves and learn skills. Heart to Heart gave us parents that listened, chatted, and truly HEARD our stories, when we knew not what the next moment would look like. Heart to Heart gave us a place to heal from the secondary trauma of loving our children through their stories. We learned to believe that we were enough, our daughters story was hers and we could not change her journey toward healing. The outcome is not in our hands...We will as a team, continue to hold space for our daughter through the years ahead that this healing journey will require.
We found skills that kept our home strong and learned to be part of the complicated journey of children with severe brain trauma from exposure to hard places and hard beginnings.
Our daughter is more than anyone hoped for, and we have healed and loved ourselves into working with another daughter on the same journey. Disruption was spoken of and not needed because of loving support that came from the strong loving families that lead Heart to Heart. Thank you Joanne and Carla...thank you to all the parents that taught by example and showed me rage is the smallest part of the journey to acceptance and "MY" attaching to my child.
Always,
˜The Newton-Meridieth Family
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